'da hate that hate made

Oh, so many things have been building up.
work:: along with the normal everyday stress of a high-pressure, salaried position, I've got this "high-priority/impact" project that I've been working on, and I haven't gotten a lot of help with it. To top if off, I got handed some additional responsibilities - no extra $$$, but 'that will come once I prove myself'. Ok, fine - but then my colleagues don't congratulate me when it's announced. No, they ignore it long enough for them to get together & discuss whether it's 'fair' (I got 'promoted' over someone who has more seniority than I), and whether it was because I'm cool with my boss & the person I'm succeeding (does that make me a kiss a$$? I think not...)

friends:: my friend, SG borrowed some $$$, and agreed to pay me back on day A. Day A passes, no word from SG. B & C go by, so I call SG: "I'm so sorry, I forgot - I'll drop it off on day D". I specifically ask SG if he just needs to hold onto the $$$ longer? "No, I got you, I'll be there day D. Day E, F G....hell we get to day P. I ask SG if he needs more time: "No, I'm sorry, I keep forgetting. Plus, it's hard for me to get to your crib" . So I tell SG to pay me through Paypal, & send him the link to pay me. Again, we go through day Q, R, S....all the way to day AA. No paypal notice. So I email SG, tell him I hadn't gotten anything from paypal either. To make this long story a lil shorter, I end up going over SG's house, to pick up a post-dated check for the $$$. It still hasn't cleared. On top of this, I get a declaration from SG: "I know what terms I can deal with you ....I know better than to borrow money...". No mutha- f%&%$, you know I ain't loaning you s$%^ else!

thechaos:: I love her, but the freshmen blues have begun,and I ain't feeling it! You know: stay up all night, don't study, grades drop, spend more time hanging than cleaning, you know the drill. You can't be grown when you feel like it (3am) and then a child again when you feel like it (when you need $$$, or don't feel like doing something)!!! I need to see some initiative! And you betta damn not get less than a B in Intro to Writing, or it is SO on!!!! $%^S

my dumba$$ ex:: yeah, I have an ex-fiance, who was abusive, physicallly, mentally & emotionally. why is this mutha-f%^&$ hittin on me???!!!!! to quote the ex: "You know I still love you, and if I could I'd be with you for the rest of our lives. I could make you so happy and I know we'd be happy together, but I know you'll never give me a chance.." You are f$%^*&^ right!!!! Yo a$$ is crazy - you kicked my a$$ on the reg, then slept with everything that moved (incl. your own first cousin in my f&*^%@#$ living room, but that's another blog), and tried to make it seem like it was my fault. Then, when I broke up with you, you tried to take my car & f^&% up my credit!!! We haven't been together for 7 years!!! You try to kick it with my friends! Last f%^&$#@ week!!! WTF?!!!!!!

misc rants:: bad drivers, my hour commute, classes that suck (Biz law shouldn't be e-z, but the prof is making it harder than it should be - any 20 pt quiz where the 'curve' is 5 pts: not right!), rude people, phony compliments from people (really, if you don't like my hair - don't say s$%^! better than lying about it), the damn beggars at my local gas station that never let the f%^& up - arrrggghhhh!!!!!!

There's been other stuff, but the point is: I ain't owning these issues!!!!! I internalize way too much anger!!!! While all these things do piss me off, I'm making it a point to stop giving a flying f$%^ what other folks think, and I'm not letting other people's negativity influence me. I've got issues, with owning other folks issues, and I'm letting all that s$%^ go - I need to focus on making me happy! (Thanks to the peeps that noted that in my comments - I needed to hear that).